outofcontextdnd:

DM: The Dragon awakens.

Rogue: Yes, hello! This crafty mage here was trying to abscond with all your gold and I am trying to bring it back to you, which is why I’m the one holding it.

blindbeards0llux:

"hey man can i borrow your phone"

"yes, mortal. you may borrow my B O N E P H O N E."

(Source: steven-stoned)

australiansanta:

thank god they found jack the ripper finally they can put that horrible man in jail

outofcontextdnd:

Druid: My name is Erik with a k.

NPC: *writes name down* And your last name?

Druid: With a k.

NPC: No I got that: Erik. What’s your last name?

Druid: My last name is with a k.

NPC: Wait…is your name Erik Erik?

Druid: My last name is With a K.

NPC:  Okay wait a minute, so to clarify —

Druid: My last name is literally the phrase *air quotes* “Withakay.” It is all one word.

NPC: *finishes writing* So review the document to make sure I got this right.

Druid: *looks* No I spell Eric with a C

When terrible rolls meet great ones

outofcontextdnd:

Fighter: “I roll to tackle the rotting tree and bridge the gap.” *rolls a 1*
GM: *rolls a d6* “You slip on some mud and go hurtling towards the Monk at full speed. Monk, make a Reflex check.”
Monk: *rolls a natural 20* “My close combat instincts kick in and I accidentally suplex him into the mud.”

cerberusblack:

viperw0lf:

The plot of durarara!! Is literally “if IM a gang leader and YOURE a gang leader then who’s driving the plane??

#izaya is flying the plane and he’s flying it into the ocean

(Source: wolfbun)